Crazy to think it’s been this long since I put some thoughts down in text for my personal blog here. I don’t even think people read blogs anymore, but regardless of that, I feel inspired to write today.
I don’t even know fully where to begin, thinking back on what’s taken place, good and bad since 2021.
I ended things with a partner of 9 years, saying goodbye to memories and our dogs we raised together.
Ended up moving back to Boston when I had nowhere else to go. A city I told myself I would never move back too.
Started a new day job that I fell in love with, that has now turned sour after years of abuse on the job.
Fell in love with someone again, someone who I never thought would.
We have traveled all over the world, getting to see Japan, a childhood dream of mine.
I changed my entire view on photography and art, adding films and new projects that really seem to fit me better (More on that in my next posts).
Not to mention this is my last year in my 30’s. Even more of a wild thought to know I’m headed into my 40’s in just a few short months.
“Grandma’s Coffee” - Part of “Grandpas Passing” series - 2016
Time really is the greatest currency, but also the greatest detriment to one’s happiness. I find myself writing this post, taking breaks and leaning back, thinking about the weight that has come from the good and the bad on this road I’m on.
As the clock rotates, I find myself desperate to cling on to minutes in a day more than days in a week. When days felt like an eternity as a kid, months feel like meer days with age. I find myself longing for simpler days where sunsets were warmer, softer, and were filled with laughs from good friends and loved ones. The whole world was ahead of me, it felt like time stood still.
Now those same sunsets don’t wait for me anymore. They feel more dull, not as much color and pop to them. Not as interesting as they once were. Friends have moved on, changed locations, or disappeared from my life for various reasons, pulled away and bogged down by the day-to-day. Work, responsibilities, finances, jobs, politics, relationships, the ultimate bandits of one happiness manifest.
Don’t even ask me how many times I’ve contemplated deleting all presence, selling everything, and finding a plot of land to build a cabin on. Maybe it’s the age talking, but the manly urge to chop wood and make a fire has been creeping in more often.
“Grandpa’s Office” - Part of “Grandpa’s Passing” series - 2016
Kidding (Kind of) aside, there is something to be said about that transition from childhood to adulthood, where you were once the kids your parents watched after, to now being the one watching others grow up. It’s weirdly comforting and nostalgic even though there are times I wish I could go back and do something differently.
One thing I’m trying to do more of is be more grateful of things I have accomplished and things that I have done, and not focus on the what could have beens, or what was, but I will admit, this has been a difficult task. I don’t know if other people have this issue, and if they do, how do you manage it?
All in all, writing this out has made me feel better about the ruminating thoughts I continue to have on topics like this. I suppose I will be doing this more, regardless if others engage with it or not. That’s none of my business, as I’m just another person talking about himself.
What a bore, am I right?